I haven't updated in like 6 years

I was doing some thinking, and I just really felt the need to talk about how untrustworthy most people in the world can be.

it's astounding.

I've pondered, and over the past year or so, I've encountered a couple handfuls (if not more) of fake-ass people in my life that I've actually fallen over their stupid game. I'm not just talking boys, I'm mainly talking friends here. it's amazing how one person can fuck up a whole bunch of relationships, friendships, and your life, and one person can make you complete again.

it seems that I've come to a point where I can't even trust someone I've known for years, because you really don't know what will happen within the next minute. a person can be your best friend for years and a day later they could hate you for dating someone. a person can make it seem like you can trust them and can talk to them about anything, and two minutes later your entire group of friends know only half the story (since the person has changed around your words), and now they hate you. a person can be someone you can depend on, but the next moment they could be taking a fit on you for no fucking reason.

I just really don't know what to do about anything and anymore.

it's not even entirely the trustworthy thing, I just thought I knew so many people who were by my side through a lot, and now I know that they really don't care. they don't care if I'm happy, they don't care if I'm alive. they're just all pissed because I started worrying about my own life instead of continously worrying about theirs.

ugh, I can't even-

I'm done.

your love is my drug

maybe I need some rehab, or maybe just need some sleep. I got a sick obsession, I'm seein it in my dreams. I'm looking down every alley, I'm making those desperate calls. I'm staying up all night, hoping, hitting my head against the wall.

what you got boy, is hard to find. I think about it all the time. I'm all strung out, my heart is fried. I just can't get you off my mind.

because your love, your love, your love is my drug. your love, your love, your love. your love, your love, your love is my drug. your love, your love, your love.

won't listen to any advice, mama's tellin me I should think twice. but look into my own devices, I'm addicted, it's a crisis. my friends think I've gone crazy, my judgments getting kindof hazy. my steeze is gonna be affected if I keep it up like a love sick crack head.

what you got boy, is hard to find. I think about it all the time. I'm all strung out, my heart is fried. I just can't get you off my mind.

because your love, your love, your love is my drug. your love, your love, your love. your love, your love, your love is my drug. your love, your love, your love.

I dont care what people say, the rush is worth the price I pay. I get so high when you're with me, but crash and crave you when you leave.

hey, so I got a question, do you wanna have a slumber party in my basement? do I make your heart beat like an 808 drum? is my love your drug? your drug? huh, your drug? huh, your drug? is my love your drug?

because your love, your love, your love is my drug. your love, your love, your love. your love, your love, your love is my drug. your love, your love, your love.

hey, so, your love, your love, your love, is my drug.

what I really meant to say...

it took me by surprise when I saw you standing there; close enough to touch, breathing the same air. you asked me how I'd been, I guess that's when I smiled and said "just fine." oh, but baby I was lying.

what I really meant to say is I'm dying here inside, and I miss you more each day. there's not a night I haven't cried. and baby, here's the truth, I'm still in love with you. and, that's what I really meant to say.

and as you walked away the echo of my words cut just like a knife, cut so deep it hurt. I held back the tears, held on to my pride and watched you go. I wonder if you'll ever know.

what I really meant to say is I'm dying here inside, and I miss you more each day. there's not a night I haven't cried. and baby, here's the truth, I'm still in love with you. and, that's what I really meant to say.

what I really meant to say is I'm really not that strong. no matter how I try, I'm still holding on. and here's the honest truth, I'm still in love with you. and that's what I really meant to say.

when 3's a crowd

I went to sleep thinking about you and I woke up just the same. you made it so hard for me to close my eyes. don't worry babe, this will be alright in the end, and I'll be your everything.

so we'll both tell ourselves that this for the best, but I'm depending on you to lead me through. so try to stop those hands, you're riding down my neck. you touch, I tremble, you never were one to play fair.

these past four walls won't be the only thing that's keeping me from you. this distance could never hold this back. so let's just take this time and we'll use this for reflection, and I'll see you in three days, and you'll think of me when you're next to him.

don't mind my gasp, it's so much harder to breathe when you're near. you made it so hard for me to learn through my eyes. don't mind me asking but could I trouble you, miss, for a smile? just give me one last wish with a kiss, it's what my dreams are made of.

so we'll both tell ourselves that this for the best, but I'm depending on you to lead me through. so try to stop those hands, you're riding down my neck. you touch, I tremble, you never were one to play fair.

these past four walls won't be the only thing that's keeping me from you. this distance could never hold this back. so let's just take this time and we'll use this for reflection, and I'll see you in three days, and you'll think of me when you're next to him.

so here we are again, in the same situation. I'm screaming at the top of my lungs, and you're not saying a word. did you just say what you mean? why can't you can't you just mean what you said, when you said "no one can love you like me"?

these past four walls won't be the only thing that's keeping me from you. this distance could never hold this back. so let's just take this time and we'll use this for reflection, and I'll see you in three days, and you'll think of me when you're next to him.

we could have been beautiful.

basically my issue a few months ago

according to you I'm stupid, I'm useless, I can't do anything right. according to you I'm difficult, hard to please, forever changing my mind.I'm a mess in a dress, can't show up on time, even if it would save my life. according to you... according to you.

but according to him I'm beautiful, incredible, he can't get me out of his head. according to him I'm funny, irresistible, everything he ever wanted. everything is opposite, I don't feel like stopping it, so baby tell me what I got to lose. he's into me for everything I'm not, according to you.

according to you I'm boring, I'm moody, you can't take me any place. according to you I suck at telling jokes cause I always give it away. I'm the girl with the worst attention span; you're the boy who puts up with that. according to you... according to you.

but according to him I'm beautiful, incredible, he can't get me out of his head. according to him I'm funny, irresistible, everything he ever wanted. everything is opposite, I don't feel like stopping it, so baby tell me what I got to lose. he's into me for everything I'm not, according to you.

I need to feel appreciated, like I'm not hated. why can't you see me through his eyes? it's too bad you're making me decide.

according to me you're stupid, you're useless, you can't do anything right. but according to him I'm beautiful, incredible, he can't get me out of his head. according to him I'm funny, irresistible, everything he ever wanted. everything is opposite, I don't feel like stopping it, baby tell me what I got to lose. he's into me for everything I'm not, according to you.

according to you I'm stupid, I'm useless, I can't do anything right.